Much like Mitt Romney, I hope to win favor with Daddy Trump and his storm troopers before next month's Inauguration so I decided to participate in the vital Cuckservative Purge. I spent weeks combing /r/The_Donald and the Breitbart comment sections in order to uncover those emasculated cucks who masquerade as conservative champions of film and television. Here's what I found:
1. Thomas Whitmore - President, Independence Day
Mainstream Media Depiction: Hero leader and courageous pilot saves nation from invasion of illegal aliens.
THE TRUTH: Globalist fighting other countries’ wars for them.
2. Mayor McCheese – Spokesburger, McDonalds
MSM Depiction: Devoted, relatable public servant.
THE TRUTH: Whiny, low-energy establishment shill sucking teet of massive corporation employing potential criminal aliens.
3. Alex P. Keaton – Republican dweeb, Family Ties
MSM Depiction: Quirky and mature teenage economist.
THE TRUTH: PC wimp who fantasizes about squirming into the Northeastern Ivy League elite; worships weenie-cuck forefather William F. Cuckley.
4. Ron Swanson – Director of the Pawnee City, Indiana Department of Parks and Recreation, Parks and Recreation
MSM Depiction: Bemused libertarian curmudgeon.
THE TRUTH: Poses as small-government champion while enabling the rise of brainwashed, leftist, bureaucracy-inflating crybabies.
5. James Marshall – US President, Air Force One
MSM Depiction: Military vet who single-handedly dismantles terrorist cell.
THE TRUTH: Throughout entire film, never once has the balls to say “Radical Islamic Terrorism.”
6. Dave Kovic as President William Harrison Mitchell – US President, Dave
MSM Depiction: Devised plan to provide jobs for every single American.
THE TRUTH: No indication that these jobs involve construction of a border wall.